Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como.

If you're a lead actor, people are just waiting to say 'you're too old' or 'you're too unhip.' If you're a supporting actor, you can just work forever.

I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood.

Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.