Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
Gilbert GottfriedI was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
Gilbert GottfriedMy Bubbie lived to 104, which is probably a little too old to consider a ripe old age, because she had already started to turn. I still say she died young.
Gilbert Gottfried