I can always be distracted by love, but eventually I get horny for my creativity.

Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you.

Show business is like riding a bicycle - when you fall off, the best thing to do is get up, brush yourself off and get back on again.

Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.

My life had made me funny, and cancer wasn't going to change that.

Cancer changes your life, often for the better. You learn what's important, you learn to prioritize, and you learn not to waste your time. You tell people you love them. My friend Gilda Radner used to say, 'If it wasn't for the downside, having cancer would be the best thing and everyone would want it.' That's true. If it wasn't for the downside.

[Roseanne Roseannadanna line:] It's always something.