I grew up in front of a television. I guess I'll grow old inside of one.

My life had made me funny, and cancer wasn't going to change that.

... every time I got disappointed I'd remember the Roseannadanna philosophy that says that you shouldn't cry over split milk 'cause if you spill some milk and instead of cleaning it up you just walk over it and start crying, they're gonna put you on lithium.

I grew up in front of a television. I guess I'll grow old inside of one.

I have always found men who were funny, irresistible. It's rare that I ever based love on looks or superficial things, but it a guy made me laugh-and that didn't mean he had to be in comedy professionally - I was hooked.

Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.

I can always be distracted by love, but eventually I get horny for my creativity.