Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you.

I think clothes should make you feel safe. I like clothes you want to go to sleep in. I sometimes stand in front of a mirror and change a million times because I know I really want to wear my nightgown.

... every time I got disappointed I'd remember the Roseannadanna philosophy that says that you shouldn't cry over split milk 'cause if you spill some milk and instead of cleaning it up you just walk over it and start crying, they're gonna put you on lithium.

I have always found men who were funny, irresistible. It's rare that I ever based love on looks or superficial things, but it a guy made me laugh-and that didn't mean he had to be in comedy professionally - I was hooked.

[Roseanne Roseannadanna line:] It's always something.

... I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Suddenly I had to spend all my time getting well.

Having cancer gave me membership in an elite club I'd rather not belong to.