Tell your girlfriend or wife you love them everyday. Like I do!

I can always create new material. That's something I can control.

I'm still trying to understand the wearing off high heels at the airport.

You know what the bodega is? It's the little Latin store, and they try to act like it's a grocery store. It has two aisles. And the guy, he always tries to help me, 'You looking for the bread?' I was like, 'Dude, I can see it right here, alright.' He's like, 'Hey, hey, it's in aisle two.' That's all you got, what are you talking about?

The one thing you don't want to be is a sucky clean comic. I hate sucky clean comics! It's like Christian rock, bro. I'd rather listen to gospel and Christian rock. That's cheating!

The X-Games - I watch that; I'm not impressed. That's white dudes' desperation. They're running out of sports. They gotta find something that black dudes won't touch.

Tell your girlfriend or wife you love them everyday. Like I do!