Trickle-down economics - it didn't work. The whole idea was supply-side economics: give rich people a lot of money; they'll spend it, it'll go into the economy. Here's what we found out - rich people, really good at keeping all the money. That's how they got rich. If you want it in the economy, give it to the poor people. You know what they're really good at? Spending all their money.

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.

I have to stop watching the Olympics. It just reminds me that I forgot to try really hard at something.

If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?

Somebody stole my identity. Good luck using it without the medications.

Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me.

I knew that drinking and doing stand-up was going to make me less of an effective comedian. And I just had a lot invested in wanting to be a really good comedian and so I stopped for that reason.