The best drunks are the ones who only hang out with other drunks in places we all know are filled with drunks.

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes.

The best drunks are the ones who only hang out with other drunks in places we all know are filled with drunks.

The compulsion to do the opposite of what you are told does not lend itself to many occupations outside the entertainment industry. Within the industry, it is unlikely that you will be very successful without it.

I enjoy writing the same way I enjoy doing standup. Part of the challenge is being creative and making it work no matter what the constraints.

Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical.

I've finally been able to trust and have intimacy with somebody, which I've never been able to do. Like a lot of guys, I just have a hard time getting that connected. I can actually sleep with her in my arms - spoons position, right? Women smile, they love the spoons. Men would rather fork.