Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical.

They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds. The other 19 are shame.

Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me.

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.

I was just in Las Vegas, where prostitution is legal. Which is a relief because I live in Los Angeles, where it is mandatory.

There's so many ways to do stand up, and I think, for awhile, people weren't really maximizing the freedom of it. We were all kind of doing a similar kind of stand up, and I started to see some original voices come out of Boston.

I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.