Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical.

I have to stop watching the Olympics. It just reminds me that I forgot to try really hard at something.

If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?

As a single couple, we are no longer able to hang around with married couples 'cause they cannot be in our presence without getting very annoying. It's always like, 'So, when are you guys getting married? Huh? When are you getting married? When are you guys getting married?!' I dunno, you're married - when are you gonna die? You're already married, death will be next. When are you gonna die?

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes.

They say no one knows if we all see red the same way. Except traffic cops.

There's so many ways to do stand up, and I think, for awhile, people weren't really maximizing the freedom of it. We were all kind of doing a similar kind of stand up, and I started to see some original voices come out of Boston.