Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me.

There's so many ways to do stand up, and I think, for awhile, people weren't really maximizing the freedom of it. We were all kind of doing a similar kind of stand up, and I started to see some original voices come out of Boston.

The best drunks are the ones who only hang out with other drunks in places we all know are filled with drunks.

I feel life is to be lived. You want to spend your time doing things and being with friends and all that.

If you want to stop two people from having sex, let them get married.

Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn't rescuing a man from a homeless shelter be, in fact, more humane?

I was just in Las Vegas, where prostitution is legal. Which is a relief because I live in Los Angeles, where it is mandatory.