If being a gangster were a prerequisite to being a musician, there'd be a lot less cello music, for example.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?

Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.

There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

When I heard you could get a disease from playing with your prairie dog, I thought, 'Wow, what a euphemism.' I thought playing with my prairie dog was the best way to avoid diseases.

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.

It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.