If they [peple] really hate you, that means you're doing something right.

"You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress."

Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET.

The reality is I'm not a 'get knocked down and come back harder' kind of guy.

We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?

The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.

You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us? Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves.