Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET.

Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket.

I've always had real trouble knowing what my actual desires and goals are. I've just been dragged along by fate.

The reality is I'm not a 'get knocked down and come back harder' kind of guy.

Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh.