Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET.

Even before the kids are born, you've go to make these decisions. If it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it's a girl, do we keep her?

Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket.

If being a gangster were a prerequisite to being a musician, there'd be a lot less cello music, for example.

Some people say Larry the Cable Guy's only successful because he's pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting people's racist and homophobic tendencies. Don't listen to these people, Larry. They're just bitter and jealous and right.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.