The reality is I'm not this person with this driving 'get it done' attitude.

The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.

If being a gangster were a prerequisite to being a musician, there'd be a lot less cello music, for example.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

Look at Thomas Jefferson. The guy had illegitimate kids in the 1700s, and they caught him last year. If you cheat on your wife and cover it up for 200 years, you're pretty much thinking you're home free.

You got a cop under five feet tall, what if he's gotta plant evidence on a high shelf? What then? What if he's gotta chase a suspect onto a ride at Disneyland?

Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.