If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

Animals have two vital functions in today's society; to be delicious and to fit well.

My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.

No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural.

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.