If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.

Yo. I'm from Beverly Hills, and I be pimpin'.

I work for a few at home who are devoted. People who are up now. Either they have some sort of bladder problem or they're extremely drunk. This is my crowd, these are the people I hope to get.

I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist.

Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off: 'Look everybody, I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.'

Oh, I don't wear a bathing suit. I wear a tent when I go out.