If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist.

Oh, I don't wear a bathing suit. I wear a tent when I go out.

I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.

Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.

I'm always looking for that place, you know, where there's no rednecks, that place where people get along, and I never find it. I went to Australia, right, and I thought Australia was gonna be a groovy, surfnoid, smoke-a-joint wombat, you know? 'G'day mate!' 'No worries!' And it's like Arkansas with a beach. It's a whole country with a 'No Fat Chicks' sticker on it.

If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.