I'm always looking for that place, you know, where there's no rednecks, that place where people get along, and I never find it. I went to Australia, right, and I thought Australia was gonna be a groovy, surfnoid, smoke-a-joint wombat, you know? 'G'day mate!' 'No worries!' And it's like Arkansas with a beach. It's a whole country with a 'No Fat Chicks' sticker on it.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack.

Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.

You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.

You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!

Tequila is like acid in a glass.