Oh, I don't wear a bathing suit. I wear a tent when I go out.

People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.

Tequila is like acid in a glass.

If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'

It doesn't matter how much of an asshole you are, there was always someone who thought you were cool.

If you have a funny costume, you can't really wear it when you get older.