On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists.

Cats are people, and the sooner the world accepts that fact, the better off the world will be.

Personally, I never admired communists because they operate on the theory that human beings are nice people.

Never buy anything with a handle on it. It means work.

We believe in healthy, hearty laughter -- at the expense of the whole human race, if needs be. Needs be.

Put it back in the horse!