Unsuccessful candidates for the Presidency should be quietly hanged as a matter of public sanitation and decorum.

Pastor: One employed by the wicked to prove to them by his example that virtue doesn't pay.

The objection of the scandalmonger is not that she tells of racy doings, but that she pretends to be indignant about them.

It is almost impossible for an Anglo-Saxon to write of sex without being dirty.

When I mount the scaffold at last these will be my farewell words to the sheriff: Say what you will against me when I am gone, but don't forget to add, in common justice, that I was never converted to anything.

There are two kinds of music; German music and bad music.

I know a good many men of great learning-that is, men born with an extraordinary eagerness and capacity to acquire knowledge. One and all, they tell me that they can't recall learning anything of any value in school. All that schoolmasters managed to accomplish with them was to test and determine the amount of knowledge that they had already acquired independently-and not infrequently the determination was made clumsily and inaccurately.