Morality is nothing but a struggle for safety

The other day a dog peed on me. A bad sign.

A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest man a century.

The common man knows exactly what he wants...and deserves to get it good and hard.

Suicide is a belated acquiescence in the opinion of one's wife's relatives.

I never listen to debates. They are dreadful things indeed. The plain truth is that I am not a fair man, and don't want to hear both sides. On all known subjects, ranging from aviation to xylophone-playing, I have fixed and invariable ideas. They have not changed since I was four or five.

Fame: an embalmer trembling with stage fright.