A sense of humor always withers in the presence of the messianic delusion, like justice and the truth in front of patriotic passion.

The Jews could be put down very plausibly as the most unpleasant race ever heard of. As commonly encountered they lack any of the qualities that mark the civilized man: courage, dignity, incorruptibility, ease, confidence. They have vanity without pride, voluptuousness without taste, and learning without wisdom. Their fortitude, such as it is, is wasted upon puerile objects, and their charity is mainly a form of display.

In human history a moral victory is always a disaster, for it debauches and degrades both the victor and the vanquished.

Balloonists have an unsurpassed view of the scenery, but there is always the possibility that it may collide with them.

The law is a sort of hocus-pocus science that smiles in your face while it picks your pocket.

Anyhow, the hole in the donut is at least digestible.

Women have a hard enough time in this world: telling them the truth would be too cruel.