It's always fun when you see different comics at different weights or with different hair.

There are some dogs that are gigantic that look like they shouldn't be in existence.

If I was just allowed to talk and handle the whole thing by myself without the audience interrupting with laughter, the show would be much more interesting. Think about all the time we waste by waiting for them to finish their noise, you know?

We've never had a female President in this country, which I find stunning

I like playing with that space between laughter and discomfort where your discomfort can also make you laugh, and you're confused about the mixed feelings. That's challenging, and I think that's what makes for some of the best art.

I don't look like a lot of fun. I just don't.

I never learned how to tie my shoes, and I was mocked for that. I still don't know how to.