I wrote a lot of poetry in the last two years of high school, all about the same girl I was in love with. That was pretty awful. Did you know that in poetry, every line does not need to rhyme?

Another stupid thing I believed for a long time was that pizza was supposed to be said peed-za.

We've never had a female President in this country, which I find stunning

I don't look like a lot of fun. I just don't.

I'm always kind of in my head thinking.

When I go to a bar or a party, I feel like a student invited me to the kegger, and I actually ended up going. And everyone's shocked: "Oh, my god, professor, I didn't know you were actually going to come!" That's me in any circle, really, especially when I hang out with my brother's friends.

It's always fun when you see different comics at different weights or with different hair.