People who become comedians… come from pain, come from conflict.

And it's tough traveling. You know, the hotels and the airports and all that. That part, eating and getting around to the hotel room and then going on.

Men, you are about to embark on a great crusade to stamp out runaway decency in the west. Now you men will only be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor.

Tape "Seinfeld" for me.

Funny is when you're serious.

You have to have a certain persona to be a star, you know, and I don't have that. I'm a banana.

People who become comedians… come from pain, come from conflict.