Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you.

When I pass my name in such large letters I blush, but at the same time instinctively raise my hat.

He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him.

Cynicism is the humour of hatred

Every man is a potential genius until he does something.

God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down; as an old man you try to conciliate him, because he may knock you down.

A whipper-snapper of criticism who quoted dead languages to hide his ignorance of life.