Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'
Trying is the first step toward failure.
Hateful to me as are the gates of hell, Is he who, hiding one thing in his heart, Utters another.
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.
Oh, my tattered rags are caught on your coffee table.
Do not beg me by knees or by parents you dog! I only wish I were savagely wrathful enough to hack up your corpse and eat it raw