I always cry at weddings, especially my own.

The only way to find the best actor would be to let everybody play Hamlet and let the best man win.

[On the House Un-American Activities Committee] They'll nail anyone who ever scratched his ass during the National Anthem.

There are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade.

Things are never so bad they can't be made worse.

Making money isn't the main point of business. Money is a by-product.... A new product has been found, something of use to the world. A new industry moves into an undeveloped area. Factories go up, machines go in and you're in business. It's coincidental that people who've never seen a dime now have a dollar and barefooted kids wear shoes and have their faces washed. What's wrong with an urge that gives people libraries, hospitals, baseball diamonds and movies on a Saturday night?

The only reason to make a million dollars in this business is to tell some fat producer to go to hell.