My old trainer used to tell us not to blast, but to caress the ball whenever we took possession. If the ball were a woman... she would be spending all night with Berbatov.

I feel like a steaming cow-pat - or a car that's clocked up 400,000 miles in one journey.

I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose that's one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.

If you're a burglar, it's no good waiting about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don't advocate that obviously, it's just an analogy.

Sometimes when you aim for the stars, you hit the moon.

The dietician is going to get rid of that when he comes in. Although, first, we've got to get a dietician.

My wife runs the house much better than I could so I think she could be a linesman or a referee or even a football manager and that's the truth.