My old trainer used to tell us not to blast, but to caress the ball whenever we took possession. If the ball were a woman... she would be spending all night with Berbatov.

The dietician is going to get rid of that when he comes in. Although, first, we've got to get a dietician.

It was lucky that the linesman wasn't stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake.

My wife runs the house much better than I could so I think she could be a linesman or a referee or even a football manager and that's the truth.

I watched Arsenal in the Champions League the other week playing some of the best football I've ever seen and yet they couldn't have scored in a brothel with two grand in their pockets!

Every dog has its day - and today is woof day! Today I just want to bark.

I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season!