My old trainer used to tell us not to blast, but to caress the ball whenever we took possession. If the ball were a woman... she would be spending all night with Berbatov.

My wife runs the house much better than I could so I think she could be a linesman or a referee or even a football manager and that's the truth.

The dietician is going to get rid of that when he comes in. Although, first, we've got to get a dietician.

I feel like I've been on EastEnders all my life and now I'm playing King Lear.

In football you need to have everything in your cake mix to make the cake taste right. One little bit of ingredient that Tony uses in his cake that gets talked about all the time is Rory's throw. Call that cinnamon and he's got a cinnamon flavoured cake.

It's all very well having a great pianist playing but it's no good if you haven't got anyone to get the piano on the stage in the first place, otherwise the pianist would be standing there with no bloody piano to play.

Apparently it’s my fault that the Titanic sank.