You know what happened the last time a group of people said, 'Screw it, we don't care what you think'? They got hung as witches.

When you get off stage, the audience should know a little bit about you. Not where you are from, but how you see the world. And that's the difference between like a Chris Rock joke, and like an open-miker.

Everyone has their personal topics. My comedy has always been very strong on observational humor, it stems from what I see every day in my life.

Both are salty, one will give me carpal tunnel, I'll go with the fries.

It said, 'War Is Not the Answer.' I disagree. I think war absolutely is the answer. And if you don't agree with me, happy Fourth of July.

I don't come up with ideas, they come to me. I write them down and try to convey what's wrong with me to the audience as best I can.

You're not a road comic till you've watched Real Sex and American Greed alone in your hotel room.