We came here to pick up chicks, not talk about dicks.

You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist?

You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one. You can't get enough. You are addicted to Apple.

I just always found it easier to be the same guy onstage as you are offstage.

Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove.

I'm looking to be the next comedy mogul.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?