I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons.

You can't let people take advantage of you. Go get that ass.

You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one. You can't get enough. You are addicted to Apple.

I should be European. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat.

Father's Day just be Mother's Day the sequel.

I think what I do in my acting world and what I do in my standup world is bring up a brand that I want to bring across. Once you figure out your brand and what you do, it's kind of easy at that. You end up getting your audience.

If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late.