You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

I tell people all the time, as I was going through my process of being a comedian or being an actor and a writer at SNL, I tell people that everything you do is all a piece of your puzzle to determine where you’re going to end up at.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons.

I don't like to dabble in anything I don't do well. I don't talk politics.

I should be European. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat.

I have to satisfy my audience.