America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.

Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.

A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people.

Ten years ago if you would have told me that Mrs. Clinton would be the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination, I'd have never believed you. Her only qualifications for office are that she's Mr. Clinton's partner. And what does that mean? The two of them stand for dishonesty and corruption.