America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible.

Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.

Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.

When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!

You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.