Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?

It did not take Man long-probably not more than a hundred centuries-to discover that all the animals except the dog were impossible around the house. One has but to spend a few days with an aardvark or llama, command a water buffalo to sit up and beg or try to housebreak a moose, to perceive how wisely Man set about his process of elimination and selection.

If you are a police dog, where's your badge?

Art – the one achievement of man which has made the long trip up from all fours seem well advised

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people - that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature.

Remember laughter. You'll need it even in the blessed isles of Ever After.

All men kill the thing they hate, too, unless, of course, it kills them first.