The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Muggs was always sorry, Mother said, when he bit someone, but we could never understand how she figured this out. He didn't act sorry.

Though statisticians in our time have never kept the score, Man wants a great deal here below and Woman even more.

Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.

A wet dog is lovingest.

For one thing, she pronounced flowers 'flars' and I couldn't let it slide.

I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance.