I'm 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics. But if there were fifteen months in every year, I'd only be 48. That's the trouble with us. We number everything. Take women, for example. I think they deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of 28 and 40.

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?

It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy.

A word to the wise is not sufficient if it doesn't make sense.

I always begin at the left with the opening word of the sentence and read toward the right and I recommend this method.

The animals that depend on instinct have an inherent knowledge of the laws of economics and of how to apply them; Man, with his powers of reason, has reduced economics to the level of a farce which is at once funnier and more tragic than Tobacco Road.

For one thing, she pronounced flowers 'flars' and I couldn't let it slide.