When I was in high school, we were all laboring under the illusion, or maybe it was a reality, that everyone in our school was a virgin.

I'm absolutely gonna win it, because I'm ruthless. I sit at the poker table and my job is to destroy people.

Look, just go sit at the card table with the rest of the kids and let the adults run the country.

...if [the 9/11/01 attacks] had happened to the Russians, about three major cities in the Middle East would have been parking lots in twenty minute and they wouldn't have worried about the consequences because there would not have been any because the remaining terrorist states would have said 'we get the message.'

The only reason people lock their car doors when Obama walks by is they are afraid he'll tax them to death...

My attitude about Hollywood is that I wouldn't walk across the street to pull one of those executives out of the snow if he was bleeding to death. Not unless I was paid for it. None of them ever did me any favors.

My second ex-wife was really kind of like a ship passing in the night. Only she turned out to be the Exxon Valdez.