So you can say whatever you want and quote me however you want about politics and make the next payday, and that's fine because I'm making that deal with you, but just mention the movie along the way, OK?

Just curious. Does the president of the United States have any advice for other teenage boys in America? Wounded warriors, for example . . .

Whatever it took to get elected president of the United States, I don't think being a complete and utter moron is one of those predicates.

My second ex-wife was really kind of like a ship passing in the night. Only she turned out to be the Exxon Valdez.

...if [the 9/11/01 attacks] had happened to the Russians, about three major cities in the Middle East would have been parking lots in twenty minute and they wouldn't have worried about the consequences because there would not have been any because the remaining terrorist states would have said 'we get the message.'

Celebrity - I don't even know what that means. Obviously it's the same basic word as celebration, but I don't know what's being celebrated.

The only reason people lock their car doors when Obama walks by is they are afraid he'll tax them to death...