Aficionado my ass...I just love to smoke cigars

...if [the 9/11/01 attacks] had happened to the Russians, about three major cities in the Middle East would have been parking lots in twenty minute and they wouldn't have worried about the consequences because there would not have been any because the remaining terrorist states would have said 'we get the message.'

I was able to lean on people for favors and things to help out because their budget was so low. It was half of what John Travolta's perk package is on a film. Our whole budget was half of what his staff makes on a film.

The bottom line is to be in control of your own destiny.

When I was in high school, we were all laboring under the illusion, or maybe it was a reality, that everyone in our school was a virgin.

I'm famous for being nicer to my fans than anyone on the face of the earth because I figure, a) They pay my salary, and b) It's probably like a big moment in your life to meet somebody; so I would say, 'Just come on up.'

Golfers are genuinely courteous in a discourteous world. Show me a guest on The Jerry Springer Show who's a golfer.