Do you think I want to be the one lone voice against the Hollywood liberal establishment? It's not going to do me any good.

The press is like a big bass, you just stick a hook in their mouth and they'll take it.

I'm absolutely gonna win it, because I'm ruthless. I sit at the poker table and my job is to destroy people.

Look, just go sit at the card table with the rest of the kids and let the adults run the country.

I'm famous for being nicer to my fans than anyone on the face of the earth because I figure, a) They pay my salary, and b) It's probably like a big moment in your life to meet somebody; so I would say, 'Just come on up.'

...simple logic tells you that if somebody wants you dead you have one course of action: To get them deader sooner.

My second ex-wife was really kind of like a ship passing in the night. Only she turned out to be the Exxon Valdez.