Do you think I want to be the one lone voice against the Hollywood liberal establishment? It's not going to do me any good.

My second ex-wife was really kind of like a ship passing in the night. Only she turned out to be the Exxon Valdez.

I'm famous for being nicer to my fans than anyone on the face of the earth because I figure, a) They pay my salary, and b) It's probably like a big moment in your life to meet somebody; so I would say, 'Just come on up.'

Aficionado my ass...I just love to smoke cigars

The only reason people lock their car doors when Obama walks by is they are afraid he'll tax them to death...

Do you think I want to be the one lone voice against the Hollywood liberal establishment? It's not going to do me any good.

Golfers are genuinely courteous in a discourteous world. Show me a guest on The Jerry Springer Show who's a golfer.