If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?

If evolution was worth its salt, by now it should've evolved something better than survival of the fittest. I think a better idea would be survival of the wittiest.

Frankly, goin' crazy was the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't say it's for everybody; some people couldn't cope.

Infinity: Time on an ego trip.

You don't know what it's like! Hyperactive twins! When they turned three, my doctor prescribed Ritalin -- I wouldn't dream of giving a drug to my children, but it does help when I take it myself.

When I first came into this world, Elvis was already fat.

... it's hard to be politically conscious and upwardly mobile at the same time.