If evolution was worth its salt, by now it should've evolved something better than survival of the fittest. I think a better idea would be survival of the wittiest.

I feel like my life is just passing me by like two ships in the night. And I have missed both boats.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

I may not be great at geometry but I know one theorum. The longest distance between two points is you and your parents.

You don't know what it's like! Hyperactive twins! When they turned three, my doctor prescribed Ritalin -- I wouldn't dream of giving a drug to my children, but it does help when I take it myself.

Infinity: Time on an ego trip.

At the moment you are most in awe of all there is about life that you don't understand, you are closer to understanding it all than at any other time.