If evolution was worth its salt, by now it should've evolved something better than survival of the fittest. I think a better idea would be survival of the wittiest.

My space chums think reality was once a primitive method of crowd control that got out of hand. In my view, it’s absurdity dressed up in a three-piece business suit.

I feel like my life is just passing me by like two ships in the night. And I have missed both boats.

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Nothing makes you realize you don't know what you want more than getting what you want.

Frankly, goin' crazy was the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't say it's for everybody; some people couldn't cope.