To think, we have the garment industry instead of nature to thank for the zipper concept when it would have come in so handy for childbirth.

... it's hard to be politically conscious and upwardly mobile at the same time.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

When I first came into this world, Elvis was already fat.

Ahhhhhhhh. There is nothing natural about natural childbirth. It is as close to a freak accident as anything I can think of. Why I picked a time like this to go off drugs?

I may not be great at geometry but I know one theorum. The longest distance between two points is you and your parents.

Like what's the point being a health nut by day if you're a coke head at night.