I even worry about reflective flea collars. Oh, sure, drivers can see them glow in the dark, but so can the fleas.

You don't know what it's like! Hyperactive twins! When they turned three, my doctor prescribed Ritalin -- I wouldn't dream of giving a drug to my children, but it does help when I take it myself.

I may not be great at geometry but I know one theorum. The longest distance between two points is you and your parents.

My mom says I have to be more positive, and I say life has to be more positive too or it's just not going to work.

It's not that I lack ambition. I am ambitious in the sense that I want to be more than I am now. But if I were truly ambitious, I think I'd already be more than I am now.

If you are a human being, you might as well face it. You are going to rub a lot of people the wrong way.

When I first came into this world, Elvis was already fat.