Last time you called me late at night you were naked and chained to your shower curtain rod. I hope this isn't going to be disappointing.

Saved by the grandma" Ranger

When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: "She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank.

I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said. Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney- assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.

Sweetie, nothing that flies looks safe, including birds.

If you want to cry, you're not going to like my books.

I received rejection letters for ten years (one on a napkin, written in crayon.) I had all my rejection notices stored in a box. When the box was finally full I took it to the curb and set it on fire. The next day I went out and got a temp job.