Some men go a lifetime and never have their kid blow up a car, but I have a daughter who's knocked off three cars and burned down a funeral home. Maybe that's some kind of record.

Saved by the grandma" Ranger

Cute? I think my testosterone level just dropped - Ranger

I failed math twice, never fully grasping probability theory. I mean, first off, who cares if you pick a black ball or a white ball out of the bag? And second, if you’re bent over about the color, don’t leave it to chance. Look in the damn bag and pick the color you want.

You can't put cuffs on Mr. Cluck! What will the kids think?" Stuart Bagget

It wasn't exactly that Lula was fat. It was more that she was too short for her weight." - Stephanie Plum

My professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess.