You ever get any death threats? How about ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends? You run over anyone recently?” ~ Morelli

He squinted at me. "What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

Everyone knows you can't see death cooties. Take my word for it, that couch has the biggest, fattest death cooties that ever existed. That couch has the mother of all death cooties. – Lula

You'd tell me if we were getting married, wouldn't you? I mean, you wouldn't just appear on my doorstep one day and say we were due at the church in an hour.

Look at you! You look like Rangeman Barbie. You got a gun and everything. -Lula

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?