Rick Perry told reporters this week that he has a permit to carry a concealed handgun. He also has a concealed vocabulary, concealed knowledge of the issues, concealed tolerance.

The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty good, and begs the question, why the long face?

Al Gore is coming out with a movie about global warming called ' An Inconvenient Truth. ' It's described as a detailed scientific view of global warming. President Bush said he just saw a film about global warming, 'Ice Age 2; The Meltdown.' He said, 'It's so much better than that boring Al Gore movie.'

Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

You see the pictures in the paper today of John Kerry windsurfing? He's at his home in Nantucket this week, doing his favorite thing, windsurfing. Even his hobby depends on which way the wind blows.

Today the United States has admitted that after months and months of searching, we still have no idea where Osama bin Laden is. Osama bin Laden? We can't even find Kenneth Lay.

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.