A survey released today found that men spend twice as much on their mistresses for Christmas as they do on their wives. On the other hand, men spend half their income on the wives when the wife finds out about the mistress. So it all balances out.

The Democratic Leadership Council has named Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton to design a plan to help define an agenda to the Democratic party. Although Bill said today, in his experience, whenever Hillary enters the picture that's when the party ends

Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed.

Ron Paul is in favor of letting states legalize marijuana, prostitution, and cocaine. So even if he doesn't win, that's going to be one heck of an election night party.

McDonald's announced that it's considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn't it?

President Bush called Arnold to congratulate him today, and after he got off the phone, Arnold said, 'I thought my English was bad.'

Well, all across the country, this is kind of sad, unemployment offices are swamped with people waiting to file for unemployment insurance. It's gotten so bad that the offices are overwhelmed and can't function. I got an idea. Why don't you hire more people? They're right there in line. Speed this whole thing up!