Schwarzenegger said last night on the show he expects his opponents to throw all kinds of dirt at him. And you know, it's started already. Today, they released the one thing that could really hurt Arnold. Turns out he once starred in a movie with Tom Arnold.

Riding a Ducati is like having sex with an aerobics instructor - you know, I'm exhausted and panting and it's going: 'Are you done, already?'

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

We ought to thank President Bush. He made it a lot easier for people to do taxes this year. No job, no income tax this year.

President Bush fell off his mountain bike down on his ranch in Texas. A couple weeks ago, John Kerry fell off his bicycle. See, doesn't this make you miss President Clinton? That guy, he could ride anything without falling off.

John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected president, she will be the oldest first lady in American history. But that doesn't bother John Kerry, he said, 'To me, she looks like a million bucks'

Donald Trump says he’s President Obama’s worst nightmare. That’s not true. Having to make a decision is Obama’s worst nightmare.